Life was never like this before. It was either good or bad. But today it’s different. Although it’s the same life that I have been living since the last twenty years, for the first time I can’t decide whether its good or not.
It’s been fifteen days since the new Gnlu chapter has begun and life is out of control. (haha this happens every time..All holiday resolutions go to dogs as soon as college reopens). But the strange part is I m liking this. I just don’t feel like being in control anymore. I want to be free...just listen to me heart and liberate my mind from the clutches of ‘the right’ and ‘the wrong’.
Delhi airport, 3rd Jan 2011: Lost in the crowd of thousands, I was enjoying my Paneer Tikka pizza and wondering about how this semester is going to be. At that time I took some meant to broken resolutions like I will study harder, I will spend less and I will lose weight etc. But apart from these I took another resolution which was different. It was to love myself and to make a difference in my own life so that the process of becoming a lawyer would be smoother. In short I promised to take my profession more seriously. This last resolution was a result of the past fantastic 4 weeks of life, enlightment and optimism. So much was the impact of those days that even today I tend to go back and get lost in the past (during boring lectures hehehe).
Back to present....
As soon I reached hostel, life’s perpetual companion ‘Change’ hit me hard (a messy room to begin with.....Gnlu management sucks!!). The absence of some people and the entry of some new ones have created a confluence of good and bad emotions in me. With new subjects, new friends and a new world altogether I have already started this journey. But I can’t figure out why it’s different this time. Never before has my life managed past and present so efficiently. Memories of the past are solving problems of the present and creating problems for future. May be this is the way life teaches.
As I continue the never ending process of understanding life, I have already found out some realities of life yet again. If life takes away, then it does reward. With the two-three new variables that life has given me, I feel compensated for the loss of that one variable. (...Okay I know I have said that the lesser the number of variables, the simpler). The other reality that I have discovered is that in the school named life, there are no particular timings or schedules for classes. Life offers its lessons at every other moment. What matters is how much we can learn. Like for example, the other day as I was taking a walk along the streets of Gandhinagar, I saw a dead corpse and a grieving family on the footpath. What I concluded was that irrespective of rich and poor, all that one takes with oneself are four flowers and two drops of tears. Rest is all an illusion. ( Hey! Am I talking like a dadimaa.......no I m not because I m a PLG (Poor lil gal hehe.))
Keeping all these discoveries and illusions aside, some where I am confused. I am a stranger to myself. I have started liking things which I know I should not. I have started doing things which I don’t want to. I have started missing out on things that I want to do. Life is out of control. But the strange part is I am liking it.
I like the post..! its okay to be out of control. I think its a part of the process which will mould you into 'you'. Chill! I'm sure you're on the right track.
ReplyDeleteA good attempt....nxt tym u ryt , try 2 structure ur thoughts in a more cohesive n sequential manner..:).Overall, i liked the post.... :)
ReplyDeletehey soumya...i wanna give u a title before ur name..hehe....i.e. "Philosopher" . your post is very amazing and i really liked it.... yar life me to sab rules and regulations me hi chala jata hai ....y not enjoy our life our way without harming anyone and that is wat u do...so its very good......101/100 for the post.
ReplyDeleteDat was great!!! But i didnt like just 1 part, u ate a paneer tikka pizza all alone!!! Kiddin.. Loved it, keep writing.... N i'll keep reading........ :)
ReplyDelete